You made me cry and you don't even care
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
