I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
