In America we eat man semen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
