All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
