She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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