i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
