im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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