There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
