Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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