My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
