hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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