I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
