Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
