If that was your dad, he is hot
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
