So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
