I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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