you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
