tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
