you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
