My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize