She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
