I am puke
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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