hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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