I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
