she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
did i just pee glitter
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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