I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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