So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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