So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
