you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
