I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
