His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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