i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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