none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
