It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Randomize