Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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