just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
