You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
