this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
