In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
