Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
