So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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