just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
