I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
