The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
