My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
