Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
