If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
