Banned from zoo.
Again?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The struggles of a small town man whore
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
