He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
