i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
