a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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