I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
your parents love me but you hate me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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