And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
