I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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