1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize