She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
