So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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