Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize