6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
only you would photoshop your dick
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
