will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
