Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize