the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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