she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
