Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Boobs are out for the taking
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
