Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
